Filipino stores signs

by AT

1. A sign in a flower shop in Diliman called Petal Attraction.

2. Anita Bakery

3. A 24-hour restaurant called Doris Day & Night

4. Barber shop called Felix The Cut;

5. A bakery named Bread Pitt

6. Fast-food place selling ‘maruya’ (banana fritters) called Maruya Carey.

7. Then, there is Christopher Plumbing

8. A boutique called The Way We Wear

9. A video rental shop called Leon King Video Rental

10. A restaurant in Cainta district of Rizal called Caintacky Fried Chicken

11. A local burger restaurant called Mang Donald’s

12. A doughnut shop called MacDonuts

13. A shop selling ‘lumpia’ (egg roll) in Makati called Wrap and Roll

14. And two butcher shops called Meating Place and Meatropolis.

       Smart travelers can decipher what may look like baffling signs to
       unaccustomed foreigners by simply sounding out the ‘Taglish’ (The
       Philippine version of English words spelled and pronounced with a heavy Filipino such as:

15. At a restaurant menu in Cebu ‘We hab sopdrink in can an in batol’
            [translation: We have soft drinks in can and in bottle].

16. Then, there is a sewing accessories shop called Bids And Pises –
            [translation: Beads and Pieces –or– Bits and Pieces] 

There are also many signs with either badly chosen or misspelled words but
they are usually so entertaining that it would be a mistake to ‘correct’
them like…….

17. In a restaurant in Baguio City , the ‘summer capital’ of the
Philippines : ‘ Wanted: Boy Waitress’

18. On a highway in Pampanga: ‘We Make Modern Antique Furniture’

19. On the window of a photography shop in Cabanatuan : ‘We Shoot You While
You Wait’

20. And on the glass front of a cafe in Panay Avenue in Manila : ‘Wanted:
Waiter, Cashier, Washier’.

Some of the notices can even give a wrong impression such as:

21. A shoe store in Pangasinan which has a sign saying: ‘We Sell Imported
Robber Shoes’ (these could be the ‘sneakiest’ sneakers);

22. A rental property sign in Jaro reads: ‘House For Rent, Fully Furnaced’
(it must really be hot inside)!

23. Occasionally, one could come across signs that are truly unique – if
not altogether odd. City in southern Philippines which said: ‘Adults: 1
peso; Child: 50 centavos; Cadavers: fare subject to negotiation’ .

24. European tourists may also be intrigued to discover two competing shops
selling hopia (a Chinese pastry) called Holland Hopia and Poland Hopia –
which are owned and operated by two local Chinese entrepreneurs, Mr. Ho and
Mr. Po respectively – (believe it or not)!

25. Some folks also ‘creatively’ redesign English to be more efficient.
‘The creative confusion between language and culture leads to more than
just simple unintentional errors in syntax, but in the adoption of new
words, ‘says reader Robert Goodfellow who came across a sign …..House
Fersallarend’ (house for sale or rent). Why use five words when two will do?

26. According to Manila businessman, Tonyboy Ongsiako, there is so much wit
in the Philippines because ‘We are a country where a good sense of humor
is needed to survive’. We have a 24-hour comedy show here called the
government and a huge reserve of comedians made up mostly of politicians
and bad actors.

People ask why I live in the Philippines

by AT

When I travel, people often ask me why I live in the Philippines?

Well here it is…It is the only place on earth where……

1. Every street has a basketball court.
2. Even doctors, lawyers and engineers are unemployed.
3. Doctors study to become nurses for employment abroad.
4. Students pay more money than they will earn afterwards.
5. School is considered the second home and the mall considered the third.
6. Call-center employees earn more money than teachers and nurses.
7. Everyone has his personal ghost story and superstition.
8. Mountains like Makiling and Banahaw are considered holy places.
9. Everything can be forged.
10. All kinds of animals are edible.
11. Starbucks coffee is more expensive than gas.
12. Driving 4 kms can take as much as four hours.
13. Flyovers bring you from the freeway to the side streets.
14. Crossing the street involves running for your dear life.
15. The personal computer is mainly used for games and Friendster.
16. Where colonial mentality is dishonestly denied!
17. Where 4 a.m. is not even considered bedtime yet.
18. People can pay to defy the law.
19. Everything and everyone is spoofed.
20. Where even the poverty-stricken get to wear Ralph Lauren and Tommy  Hilfiger
21. The honking of car horns is a way of life.
22. Being called a bum is never offensive.
23. Floodwaters take up more than 90 percent of the streets during the  rainy season.
24. Where everyone has a relative abroad who keeps them alive.
25. Where wearing your national colors make you baduy.
26. Where even the poverty-stricken have the latest cell phones ,  (GSM-galing sa magnanakaw)
27. Where insurance does not work.
28. Where water can only be classified as tap and dirty.
29. Clean water is for sale (35 pesos per gallon).
30. Where the government makes the people pray for miracles. (Amen to that!)
31. Where University of the Philippines where all the weird people go.
32. Ateneo is where all the nerds go.
33. La Salle is where all the Chinese go.
34. College of Saint Benilde is where all the stupid Chinese go and;
35. University of Asia and the Pacific is where all the irrelevantly rich  people go.
36. Fast food is a diet meal.
37. Traffic signs are merely suggestions, not regulations.
38. Where being mugged is normal and It happens to everyone.
39. Rodents are normal house pets.
40. The definition of traffic is the ‘non-movement’ of vehicles.
41. Where the fighter planes of the 1940s are used for military engagements  and;
42. The new fighter planes are displayed in museums.
43. Where cigarettes and alcohol are a necessity, and where the lottery is  a commodity.
44. Where soap operas tell the realities of life and where the news  provides the drama.
45. Where actors make the rules and where politicians provide the  entertainment.
46. People can get away with stealing trillions of pesos but not a  thousand.
47. Where being an hour late is still considered punctual (Grabe talaga  ‘to!)
48. Where the squatters have more to complain (even if they do not pay  their tax) – than those employed and have their tax automatically deducted  from their salaries.
49. And where everyone wants to leave the country!

Why I live in the Philippines…

by Bob Lim

You know why I live in the Philippines? Well, it’s a place in the world where:

 1)  Dictators and misfits are toppled by sheer people power.
 2)  Patriots fought colonial masters before other Southeast Asians did
 3)  There’s no race-inspired riots unlike in Malaysia, Indonesia and Singapore
 4)  Chinese immigrants don’t have to localize their names unlike in Thailand
 5)  Freedom of speech is unfettered (in another country, you can’t call the king names or else . . .)
 6)  Nobody has died of starvation unlike in Africa and the Indian subcontinent
 7)  Sunset is the eighth wonder of the world
 8)  Almost every scenery is mountain green or ocean blue
 9)  Children still bless their elders
 10) Members of parliament fight with words not by fists unlike in Taiwan
 11) Workers have basic rights unlike in China
 12) There are regular electoral exercises unlike in the Middle East
 13) There are no Columbine or Virginia Tech shootings
 14) The most beautiful and passionate women in Asia are found
 15) Sales staff are courteous and patient unlike in Hongkong
 16) Artistic talent is very abundant, the best stay while the rest entertain abroad
 17) Filipino women are treated totally equal unlike in Korea and Japan
 18) There are karaoke joints in every corner
 19) Highway, street and traffic signs are in English
 20) Wit and humor is prevalent in good or bad times
 21) Everyone is just an SMS text away
 22) Everyone has a relative overseas propping up the economy and filling the skills gap of the host country
 23) There’s no leader named Bush nor functionary named Rumsfield
 24) There’s traffic jam in just one (1) city unlike in the US
 24) Religion and creed are tolerated and protected by the Constitution
 25) Muslim schoolgirls can wear headscarves unlike in France
 26) Students have access to top quality education at $ 0.10 per curricular unit in a cool mountain overlooking a lake
 27) The best cafes and bistros proliferate outside of France
 28) The living is easy during summertime, the hordes of tourists notwithstanding
 29) Time for family bonding and entertainment is longer due to domestic help
 30) The best beer in the world is imbibed practically everywhere
 31) BPO staff enrich the coffers of the multinationals
 32) Linger in huge malls without really buying anything
 33) Watch almost 100 TV channels and access the net without fear of censorship
 34) Foreign companies scramble to recruit skills not available in their home countries
 35) The profession of psychiatry is a rarity
 36) Volunteerism and community service is more profound than anywhere else except the US and Europe
 37) Travelling relatives are sent off or met in big buses
 38) Seamen move 50% of the world’s maritime commerce and trade
 39) Commercial pilots are often pirated by mostly MidEast foreign carriers to fly their planes
 40) Many residents still live in single, detached houses within the urban center rather than condos and boxes
 41) Friday and Saturday nights regularly teem with merrymakers and diners
 42) Pristine white beaches dot the islands
 42) Friends and classmate get together forever
 43) 96% of all Filipinos stay and get to enjoy their life, work and home by choice and not by necessity

 Whoever wrote or forwarded that to you must be one frustrated loser.